What’s this, a face washing tutorial? Who the hell doesn’t know how to wash their face? To answer that question, dear reader, we must go back to the days of teenage angst and insecurity. Just kidding, I’m not walking you through the most awkward stages of my life, not yet anyway. We don’t know each other that well. Give it time. I’ll go ahead and summarize: when I was in high school, and even a few years afterwards, I struggled with acne. Not deep, debilitating acne that made me hide my face from the world, but oh wait, when you’re a teenager with ANY acne you want to hide your face from the world. I always blamed myself for my acne problems, and guess what? I was right. It doesn’t matter who you are, if you focus on your flaws, odds are they’re going to get worse. Such it is with acne. When I thought about my acne, I noticed it; when I noticed it, I picked at it.

Guys, let me tell you this: EVERYONE GETS ACNE. Your mom gets it, your babysitter got it, super models get it. No one is immune, and if they are they’re Jude Law from A.I. (aka a sex robot. Not gonna lie, you should keep that person around if so. Why not, right?). It’s okay that you have acne, but if you’re anything like I was as a teenager, all you care about is the tutorial. Okay, I understand. Let’s just get this going, shall we? And look, it comes with pictures!


Cetaphil Daily Face Cleanser

Dickonson’s Witch Hazel

Cotton Balls or  Tissues 

Oil of Olay Moisturizer


1. (Ermahgerd it’s official now) Remove Makeup.

Listen up, kids. You HAVE to remove your makeup before you even think about washing your face. Let me reiterate: YOU HAVE TO REMOVE YOUR MAKEUP BEFORE YOU EVEN-. Okay, I think you get the gist. The face wash I use is gentle enough for you to wash your face with it to remove makeup (I recommend Vaseline on a cotton ball for eye makeup, as face wash will dry out your delicate eye skin no matter who the hell you are). Now, look at this fantastic picture of me removing my makeup by washing.


2. Apply face wash to a scrubby brush. But oh-em-jee Nancy, I thought exfoliating my face will make it worse. Blah blah blah, this is how I’ve washed my face for years and look at it. To be serious though, it really depends on your skin type when it comes to exfoliating. I, for one, don’t know what the heck my skin type is and I don’t know how to find out. I simply tried this method and after a period of time, nay almost immediately, it started working for me like a beautiful charm from Pandora I cannot have (crap costs money, yo). In a gentle, geeeentle scrubbing motion, massage the cleanser-packed brush all over your face, avoiding the eye area. Catching a theme here? The less you touch your eyes with anything, the better. The skin is thinnest there, and you WILL get wrinkles there first. If you don’t care about wrinkles, then go ahead and rub pumice on your peepers.


3. After wonderfully and geeeently exfoliating your face, pat dry. Look at that girl, she knows what she’s doing.


4. Use Witch Hazel as a toner. Once again, my loves, do not use this on your eyes. It’s natural, but we don’t want to risk it do we, precious? Cotton ball it up. Put the witch hazel on there and wipe or dab it on your face.


5. Use a gentle moisturizer. This you will massage all over your face, neck, and under your eyes, so don’t use anything with salicylic acid in it, because (you guessed it) it’s bad for them. Plus that crap stings in there. Yeah, moisturize it. Like that.



6. Actually, that’s it. This routine doesn’t take me more than five minutes, and my face is usually so clear I don’t wear makeup. I do, however, wear a tinted moisturizer with SPF during the day (we all know that doesn’t count as makeup). Since I’m white as rice I don’t bother with too high SPF, but if you get a lot of sun, please do yourself a favor and wear a high SPF sunscreen/ SPF moisturizer.


I’m going to use a writing cliche. Here it is: To conclude… washing your face doesn’t have to be a pain in the patoot, but I definitely understand how it can get that way. We were all young once. We all experimented… with different face washing techniques *glances to the left nervously*. But I mean it when I say the one you stick with is the one that will work for you. No matter how you wash your face, stick with it until your face gets used to it. That’s probably the most important take-away I can give you. Don’t try a face wash routine for a week. Stick with it, and you should see good results. Unless, that is, you’re using broken glass as a scrubby and acid as your face wash. Please, get help.

P.S., I recommend diluted tea tree oil on any acne you might have.

DSC03471Nancy would like to thank gin for helping her write this article.


2 thoughts on “Let’s Wash Our Faces!

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